Recently I was organising my old notebooks and documents, and found an inspiring writing about my experiences without the home internet in 2015. That was one of my coolest and mind-opening experiences of my life, and I want to share it with you:
I let go of my home internet. This is my first day in peace and silence. I am free of distractions, chaos, and limiting patterns. I feel pure and honest. I’m like a vibrant child again. I can breathe. I can feel!
There are no obstacles. I don’t have to motivate myself. Everything flows freely. Everything is simple. I am me. I am free.
No stimulation, only truth. Oneness with my body and environment. I have the awareness to listen, see and feel. I am alive and every moment is a gift!
I feel like I have all the time in the world. No longer I need to pay attention to the clock to worry about the death of another day. Time doesn’t even matter now. Now is all there is.
When did I usually go behind the computer and use the internet?
- When I woke up and washed myself. As a teenager I even skipped washing and taking care of myself. Sometimes I couldn’t even go to the bathroom to empty my bladder.
- Every time I ate food. I always needed some entertainment or stimulation. That also made me hurry when preparing or cooking food. I couldn’t enjoy and be mindful. I ate too fast and didn’t chew properly.
- Every time I felt bored or anxious. It has been a way to fill the void. It has always been my safe zone.
- Before going to sleep. It was really hard to skip it when I arrived at home even when it was late and I was exhausted. It was so automatic and normal that I couldn’t even imagine my life without this habit.
I don’t know who I am without the internet and PC. I feel total mystery and emptiness. I want to find out! I want to lose myself so I could find my true self.
Inability to use the internet or using willpower to stay away from it – these are totally different experiences.
I feel peace when I know I can’t cheat. I feel free. When I have the possibility to use the internet and stay offline at the same time, it is still good, but it’s not as great. I usually have temptations. I’m too close to my old world. Can’t focus. Can’t forget.
Suddenly there are no ways to escape. Everything is transparent. I see what is going on in our world. Chaos and disconnection, scared and lifeless faces. Everyone is hurrying somewhere, trying to survive, trying to escape and suppress.
So much is revealed in supermarkets where we buy food from. Just by going there and paying attention we can learn everything about our society. And it’s a bit funny, but mostly sad.
People are blind and dead, but they are still walking and acting like they know.
I have seen the same scene multiple times, thought about it a little, and then gone to my safe virtual world where everything is forgotten.
Every one of us tries to escape and forget. We fill ourselves with distractions and illusions. We make fuss over every little detail, but miss what is important. We create problems from something we can’t control, but ignore everything that can be controlled. We look outside, but rarely within. No responsibility or awareness of choice. Just lies.
We lie and when we don’t, we suppress. We like fairy tales, but fail to notice that our own life is the biggest one.
Take away all the distractions and the Matrix reveals itself.
I’m thankful for this opportunity to remove my glasses of zeroes and ones, and actually be present in this world. I am alive. I can begin the work.
Some of the changes that were happening to me during this period:
- Less thinking. Less information. More feelings. More expression.
- More time, but free of time.
- Total transformation. No limits. The core of my old world was lost. I felt like I could do anything. Everything could change.
- Mysterious feelings. Strong intuition. I didn’t know who I am, and it felt so good. I was one with the world. One with the silence.
- Attracted a meeting with a total stranger on the street. Had a deep conversation. She wanted to know more about the plant-based diet. Made a friend. It was incredible to see how open she was.
- Stronger body awareness. I felt like I was healing and could create miracles in that state.
- Less junk food cravings. I ate more mindfully. Eating had used to be connected to different computer activities like watching videos. Without the internet I ate more for nutrition, not entertainment.
- Better focus. It was easier to be productive, because I had less distractions.
Eventually I still returned to the virtual world (actually I only managed a month), but my perspective had become different. I became more mindful about my online activities and I started to value offline time a lot more.
I used to dream about staying offline forever because it used to be my biggest prison, but now I see it more like a tool for creation and spreading awareness. This is also my opportunity to have more freedom in my life as I dream about a location independent online business and entrepreneurship. I’m on the right track!
If this blog post inspired you, there is another one about breaking free from the virtual prison: Prison Break