I’m an Estonian coach, book author, and motivational speaker who used to struggle with depression and video game addiction as a physically disabled teenager. Once I realized that our reality is not defined by the circumstances we experience but how we interpret them, I changed the game. With suffering out of the way, I learned to love myself, appreciate the hardships, utilize my hidden talents and see life as an epic adventure.
But how can you fulfill your dreams if the internet has taken away your greatest resource: attention? I was passionate and ready to make a difference, but I procrastinated for most of my 20s, full of emptiness and regret. It was only when I learned essential strategies of digital minimalism that my greatest potential revealed itself.
What You’ll Find Here?
This blog is about making peace with the pain and hardships of life but also mastering attention and habits, so you could use your gifts to make a difference in your health, relationships, and the whole world.
Life can seem very cruel sometimes. You can feel like an underdog who is punished for no apparent reason. Experience loneliness and deep emotional pain, wondering why others have it much easier.
It is very challenging to find meaning in this kind of situation. But If you manage to stay connected to your heart and make a decision to never give up, you may find that you are vastly more powerful than you think.
My most popular articles:
- The Story Of My Life: How Pain Became A Shining Light
- The Way We See the Problem Is the Problem
- How to Be Happy Despite Pain and Hardships
- Change Your Consciousness, Change Your Reality
- Message From a Child Who Was Addicted to Video Games
The Day When It All Began
When I was 9 years old, I had an accident that changed my life forever. I lost the ability to walk, and because of this, my joyful and carefree childhood ended at that moment. I was so devastated that I didn’t know how to continue on or what to do with all those emotions I felt. A lot of years passed while crying about my fate or escaping to the virtual world which was the only place I could feel free and equal to others. I became very closed and depressed, fearing myself and the external world. I didn’t have the strength to do all the physical exercises I was told to do and my appetite for life was low.
The bullying that took place in my school made it even worse. I was very shy and unconfident which wasn’t likable to my classmates. I wasn’t the boy who I had been before. I didn’t have quick running skills which had helped me to blend in and receive respect from other boys. I wasn’t a normal child and that’s why they didn’t know how to interact with me anymore. Some of them simply stayed away from me, others became rather mean and exploitative. There were times when I felt like complete trash at school and was often afraid to go there. I became isolated and my self-development suffered because of it.
I also didn’t get along well with my mother who had to raise me alone. We had hundreds of conflicts because of my computer addiction and lack of self-care. She wanted me to work out, but I didn’t have any discipline or willpower, so she had to force me quite a bit. Sometimes she turned off my computer by force and that’s why I started to grow resentment towards her. And being around her all the time while I was already a teenager wasn’t easy either. It hurt my ego a lot when she always picked me up from school while I was interested in girls and all that stuff.
I also had two brothers, but they were much older than me, so they weren’t very close. One of them lived in the same apartment for many years, but he was just becoming a grown-up who wanted to have privacy as much as possible. We had many fights over who could use the computer, which lead to cursing, physical fights, and so on.
So my lack of self-love and all these difficult situations made me extremely depressed. I didn’t talk about these issues with anyone and I just suppressed my emotions as hard as I could until I couldn’t anymore. I felt like a burden to my family, especially to my mother who suffered so much during those years. At one point I had fallen so low that I thought about killing myself many times. I even tried to do it a couple of times, but I always failed, because a part of me wanted to live.
Finally, I touched the gloomy bottom so deep that I experienced a form of surrendering, feeling immense sadness but compassion at the same time. I found the courage to forgive myself for everything that had happened. I realized that none of it was my fault. I had always wanted the best for myself and never wanted to harm anyone else either.
Thanks to that self-forgiveness I discovered something magical inside me, which I couldn’t explain. There didn’t seem to be any reason to live, but somehow I just didn’t believe in that thought anymore. I found something more powerful and real beneath the rational, egoistic and fearful mind. I saw the beauty of my inner being, which changed my life. A voice from deep within said to me: “Don’t give up! Life is precious. Believe in yourself and live!“ After that moment I decided to never give up, and a new door was finally opened.
After this radical shift in my consciousness, something magical started to occur in my life. I saw things that I couldn’t see before. I started to read a lot about many life phenomena, analyze my dream life, tackle my nightmares and become braver than ever. I was also inspired by many people who had similar physical challenges, but who seemed to enjoy and make the best out of their lives. This lead me to understand that my condition wasn’t the problem, and the real deciding factor was my attitude. I also received two self-help books as a gift which changed my thought patterns forever. I started to be grateful for what I had and think that maybe my accident had happened for a reason. I began to see a glowing light inside myself, which eventually lead me to where I am today.
This has been a long and challenging journey, but now I feel even happier than most people on the planet! I don’t regret what happened to me during all these years, instead, I respect every single detail of my life, because all these experiences helped me to become the person I am. I realize now that my accident really was a wonderful gift to the whole world!
If you are interested in my story in greater detail, then read: The Story of My Life.
My 3 Biggest Dreams
Heal My Body and Run A Marathon
The ultimate goal has always been to heal and run on my feet. I can walk short distances with crutches using the strength of my upper body, but it would be cool to regain the functions of my lower body as well. Even though it’s been over 20 years since the spinal injury, I am still convinced that this is a possibility.
I have a smaller, perhaps a more realistic version of this dream as well. Running a marathon would really be the icing on the cake, but I would also be satisfied with overcoming a few chronic health issues to take pleasure in life and become a muscular calisthenics (fitness) expert because I love working out. With limits taken into consideration, it would also be the best version of myself.
But you know what’s even more important? To move towards my goals every day and feel proud when going to sleep. That’s a balanced mindset that helps me stay at peace and focus on the present. I used to obsess over crazy ambitions, but at one point I understood that the process (habits, consistent action) is more meaningful than the achievement itself.
Overcome All My Fears and Become A Powerful Speaker & Singer
In addition to reaching for my highest physical potential, I wish to make a total mental and emotional transformation as well. Most of my friends and family have always considered me as a shy and closed person who would never be a motivational speaker or have a strong presence around people, but I want to prove them all wrong!
Facing my fears is extremely important to me because it helps me to become free and courageous as I truly am. Fears are just illusions that seem to be real. I want to experience life as it truly is, and have fun. I can’t hold back and limit myself because of some absurd fears or experiences in the past. It’s ridiculous and doesn’t make any sense! Nobody is born afraid or unconfident. There are always some kind of emotional traumas involved which have wired a person’s brain and left a scar in his/her body. It’s the same thing for me. I am just going to let go of my fears, so my inner child could come out and shine again. I will become who I’ve always been.
I feel that the world needs to hear my message. I can help thousands if not millions of people if I just let go of my fears and take action. There’s so much potential I can’t afford to waste.
I truly believe that we can create our own destiny to live the life we desire. We are not controlled by our past, environment, physical condition, family, or friends. It’s not important who and how we’ve been in the past, it’s what we decide to do in the present moment. I want to be a rebel who accomplishes what most people don’t believe in and surprise the hell out of them. I want to show the world that we can be ANYONE!
Become an Entrepreneur Who Creates Value, and Achieve Financial Freedom
It’s one thing to have a wonderful personal development, but sharing your soul and life experiences with other people is on a totally different level. We don’t live only for our own happiness and well-being. We are all connected and therefore we should support each other as much as possible. I really believe my life could make a huge difference on the planet and that’s why I’m going to give everything I’ve got!
I have no desire to trade my time for money by working in a company from 9 to 5. I want to be myself, live passionately, and receive money by doing so. What you give, you receive, so I’m going to give as much as I can and create tons of value that can influence other people’s lives.
I wish to raise the vibration on this planet and play a big part in the healing and transformation process which is happening at the moment. Making other people happy makes me happy as well. There is nothing more beautiful than seeing the light awaken in the eyes of powerful beings who start to bloom.
What Led To This Blog?
After discovering my passion for writing in my early 20s, I realized that I have a lot to share. Each written article on my previous Estonian blog increased my confidence, and the seed started to grow. At one point I even began to write a book about my life, make simple YouTube videos to practice speaking, take singing lessons to overcome fears, and win a dancing competition. This led me to greatly expand my comfort zone and believe that I am capable of doing so much more.
As my work life was getting closer and closer and I didn’t want to depend on social support and pension any longer, I started to work on the things I am passionate about and take steps towards entrepreneurship and financial freedom.
I hope this will inspire and encourage you to be your best and never give up! Accepting and overcoming the greatest pain of our life brings forth the awesomeness of it all and unleashes the heart which is stronger than everything else!